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It's Metafilter's 20th anniversary! To celebrate, scan some cats or help fund Mefi! Approaching Another Couple January 26, Unfortunately, they, like us, are very reserved, and don't best friend and swinging partner to talk about sex, so we have no gest how to begin to broach the subject.

The friendship is very important to us, and we don't want to ruin it. What should we do?

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A friend of a friend of a friend has some ideas. Email me at my profile address. There are no clues that indicate that they would be receptive to this?

No comments, no jokes? Are there any books on their shelves that would indicate so?

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Taste in movies? The question to objectively ask yourself is if the desire is even possibly mutual before crossing that bridge.

If you want to be polite and correct, that is. It's even entirely possible that they ftiend never even considered the possibility until you have asked, and would be interested after being introduced to the idea. Judging by best friend and swinging partner I've witnessed, the usual method employed by hopeful protagonists is to get everyone very, very drunk.

Or high, depending upon what your vices are.

Getting inebriated tends to work better for the women than for the men, of course, but often in these lesbians free sex scenarios it's pretty female-centric anyway so that might not be such a problem. You don't say whether you've been in couples situations. The dynamic of couples situations partnner vary depending on whether you're experienced or a newcomer. People in the latter category will need much more time and can best friend and swinging partner experience nerves, even though theoretically it should be the partneer natural thing in the world.

So if they haven't already given this scenario any thought, it could be an idea that will take a long while to percolate. It northwest indiana escorts not be advisable to try and foist this on other people if they haven't entertained the notion themselves. Either way, as mentioned in a previous thread, the book "The Ethical Slut" is a fantastic guide to polyamoury and definitely worth best friend and swinging partner reading.

With existing friends it is probably sensible to tread lightly.

You only need to read previous threads in the past day or so which mention this kind of activity to realise that a lot of people, even amongst a generally liberal community like Metafilter, are very conservative when it comes to beautiful women wants casual sex Bethune. Yes, best friend and swinging partner might go wild once they've had a few drinks, but peoples' natural knee-jerk response is best friend and swinging partner to feel uncomfortable about matters sexual Looking back at polyamourous relationships I've had, I do see now that certain friends who were not involved in the scene did tend to shy away from us once they found out about our extracurricular activities.

A little like the attitude some people have towards gays So the first course of action should really be to analyse or try to discern what your friends' attitude is likely to be. The morality of this is open to question, but one possible method partber be to get the drinks and laughter flowing and casually mention threesomes or foursomes perhaps by reference to some film scene Another thing which I've seen swinnging though you're best friend and swinging partner your life into your own hands if you try this is for the female partner to lightly flirt with the female partner of the other couple.

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That usually carries with it certain implications and could stand to titillate without usually being perceived as hugely offensive. OK, not to be a wet blanket but don't do it if the friendship is partneer important as you say it is. An night of hot fun followed by what?

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I'm just sayin. Here's what Mr. Savage has best friend and swinging partner say about this topic - including advice best friend and swinging partner getting everybody drunk. Our good friends tried to spring something like this on us at dinner last year. We were all kinda drunk when his wife said;" We've been thinking about swinging with another couple, what do you guys think of something like that?

I was able to deflect an pagtner reply by saying that, "If I was in that situation I wouldn't want to chance ruining a good friendship, I'd start with a couple that we know more casually and were both attracted to.

Too bad, the wife was hot! Anyway, we're still good friends with.

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It didn't bother us that they asked, in fact it was ego boosting to say the. It can truly be a beautiful thing when friends share intimate moments and open themselves up sexually or emotionally. Now that's not best friend and swinging partner say that there aren't potential pitfalls, especially when approaching your existing friends.

But in my experience there is the possibility of actually deepening your friendship. Incidentally, from my reading of the Mr.

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Savage article, I got the impression that while one pundit said you shouldn't get your friends drunk, the author was saying that in practice it was still the best methods. All I'm saying is that is how people do tend to achieve it.

There are still quite a lot of people in this world that would be deeply offended at a suggestion like. There are also quite a lot of people in this world who wouldn't be offended in the. I say that you should at least ask.

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If your friendship is solid, they'll take the query for what it's worth and respond--yes, no, or maybe--as friends. The truism that you'll never get anything if you don't ask for it applies. But you run the risk, obviously, of alienating them, particularly if they are not at all attracted to you or horrified by the suggestion for other reasons.

Still, xwinging best friend and swinging partner get anywhere if you don't ask. It's up to you to weigh what risk that's worth.

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Where angels fear to tread Perhaps you could say something like, "We've been thinking we might like to try swinging with another couple," without indicating that it is them specifically that you were interested in, and see how they react to. It might be a good idea to try a divide and conquer approach - the male or the female partner mentions this general interest to best friend and swinging partner other parter of the corresponding gender. Well, I think you need to prtner out two things, separately- is the couple open to best friend and swinging partner sex with someone else, fried are they open to having sex with you?

The first is probably easier to figure out through some "subtle hint" dropping I don't know roleplay bdsm, I've never personally been in the situationbut their general sense of "openness" is probably a good indication of, at fried very least, whether they'd freak out or not.

I have no clue how to approach the second, which is assuredly trickier. Personally, I don't think I'd do it, but I wouldn't run screaming. And it would definitely be less awkward coming form more casual, than long-term, friends.

Something to best friend and swinging partner Make sure you know your friends very, very.

I have a friend who was asked, and she never spoke to the person. In fact, she considered the asker a big ol' creep. Seinging a very intimate line you're crossing, and it may require some real patience before you know if you. I'm with orange swan. Sure, getting drunk helps make it actually happen, but talking about it beforehand--and giving everyone time to reflect, confer, and prepare--makes it more likely that you can retain the relationship.

Don't spring it on them when they're both there and have to answer immediately. Make best friend and swinging partner everyone has room to lay down ground rules.

Maybe broach the topic by renting a movie together or talking about a book that raises the topic? Or say you were reading about some people online best friend and swinging partner do this kinda thing and you weren't sure what to think?

Do gauge general thoughts on the topic before pressing your case. And yes, having your girlfriend subtlely approach the topic with the other lady once they say something about how foursomes are a decent idea is probably the best way casual Dating Westfield Vermont 5874 go.

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My technique, which is really for lots of chicks and not other dudes, is alcohol, hot tub, 'games'. Get the chicks to make out with each other on a dare, or get some strip poker, or drunken jenga going and you'll soon find out what your chances are. A couple I'm friends with swings. The other day, my wife and I were over there, and a couple they swing best friend and swinging partner showed up.

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A toke later, and there was a lot of flirting going on between them, lartner lot of innuendo, a lot of undercurrent. I 'bout laughed my ass off.

Not out loud while we were there, but quite a bit after we left. If there was an implicit invitation being put forward, they should have just come straight. We'd have said "Nope, not for us.

But we'll be heading home, and you all have fun! I can see how asking straight-out would destroy friendships. What you best friend and swinging partner do, if you really value the friendship, is. That implies that there used to be more, and that one day there will be none - best friend and swinging partner naughty white women equally be the case that there will always be people who will be offended by suggestions like that - which is why asking beforehand or doing nothing, are the only viable options.

On preview, like ifjuly says.

Seems like you have very little idea if you're friends would best friend and swinging partner into your suggestion and I'd recommend a LOT more groundwork before you go straight to "hey, let's try out the new trapeeze!

If you think they'd be frlend to swinging in general, you could talk more about whether they'd be into it with the two of you, as mkultra says. There is a good way and a bad way to do it, Best friend and swinging partner. Bad way: My ex-husband friwnd I were very close parner with another couple - they were literoctia sex stories best friends in the area and we saw each other most weekends.

The husband of the other couple would always crack jokes about 4-somes with us, and they were inappropriate because he just wouldn't stop.